Birds of a Feather
by LitLover 101
Summary: Kol Mikaelson just purchased a new pet. His siblings are not happy with the behavior of the newest member of the Mikaelson family. There is something off about this animal. It is up to Kol and Bonnie Bennett to discover this bird's secret.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the CW's version of The Vampire Diaires. That honor goes to Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson. If I did I would live in Ireland, in a little cottage and give all excess wealth to the poor.**

**Hello readers. This was just a thought birdie that wanted to take flight in my mind last week. So, here we are today. I hope you like it. And beware this bird had a very filthy mouth. Enjoy!**

Chapter 1: Introducing Polly

Kol Mikaelson was window shopping. There were so many things that Kol wanted to pick up. At the moment he was eyeing a red head and a blonde looking through scarfs. Then he noticed unfamiliar sounds coming from one of the shops. 'Hmm… a pet shop. Maybe I can find a nice rabbit to give Stefan Salvatore for his birthday.' His lips curved up when he noticed a jack rabbit sitting in a cage, nose twitching. Then there was a black kitten who yawned and curled up. 'The witch might like you.' Kol knelt down and appraised the cat. It had a white patch over one eye. Then he heard, "Hey, you Bastard. How about me?"

Kol turned, ready to rip the head off of which ever idiot had dared to insult him. He found himself face to face with a parrot. The parrot spread its wings and flapped. "Want a cracker, Jackass?"

Kol laughed out loud. "My, you have a mouth on you."

"I'd hate to know where your mouth has been," the parrot retorted.

One of the employees of the store came up to Kol. "I'm sorry, sir. Is the parrot bothering you? Someone must have taken the blanket down." The employee threw a blanket over the cage.

For a moment there was silence, then, "Buy me you cheap wanker." The employee looked at the blanket with horror.

Kol laughed again. "That is brilliant," he stated with glee. "I will take him. The kitten over here and this jack rabbit."

The employee did not argue with the eccentric the young man. As long as he was getting that bird out of this store he was thankful. Soon Kol was leaving the pet store with his bird. "You will be the family pet," he informed the bird.

"Get bent," the bird replied.

This caused Kol to begin to laugh again. He was already thinking of what he would teach the bird to do. He decided to stop by the witch's place before he went home. Kol rang the doorbell and waited for Bonnie to answer the door. When her father answered Kol simply gave him the carrier and told him it was a present for his daughter.

After that Kol headed home. His first task was to teach the bird to be his new drinking companion. He opened Klaus' liquor cabinet with a key he had "borrowed."

"Would Polly like Gin or Vodka?" Kol asked his new pet.

"Polly wants you to screw yourself up a tree. Oh, hot Mama." Rebekah walked into the room and stared at Kol's newest offending project. "Come to Polly, pretty lady." Rebekah scoffed, "Kol, what have you done this time?

"I bought us a new family pet, sister. Don't you like him?" Kol brought his bird a glass of vodka. He sat it in the bird cage. Polly jumped down from his perch. Then he grabbed the glass with his beek and drank the contents. Some of it spilled onto the floor of the cage. The bird then began to lick up the remaining alcohol.

Rebekah stared at the bird her face twisting in confusion. She had seen many things but a bird with a taste for vodka was not one she was familiar with. "Well, Polly if you want to live through the night you might want to watch your tongue."

"I would like to watch your tongue." Polly responded imitating Rebekah's voice. Rebekah's jaw dropped.

"What is wrong with this bird? Where did you buy him, at a pet shop for depraved wild life?"

Rebekah had directed her question at Kol but the bird answered. "I'm only as depraved as you want me to be." This time the bird was imitating Kol's voice.

Klaus came into the kitchen with Caroline in tow. They were arguing about why exactly Klaus could not stop trying to control everyone in Mystic Falls. Rebekah rolled her eyes and left the room. "Why can't you try, I don't know, talking to people. I mean we're friends. Just use that Mikaelson charm. You don't have to compel people just because you think the food is overpriced.

Klaus was about to respond when someone else said. "Hello, there sexy lady." Caroline and Klaus turned to glare at Kol.

"I didn't say it," Kol said putting his hands up.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Yes, you did. Or did someone else just start using your voice."

"I thought the other one was hot but you are smoking."

Klaus turned around to face the voice coming from behind him. "What are you looking at, imbecile? I thought that cave men were extinct. If you're any example I was wrong." Polly stared down his beeck at the Original hybrid. "Why don't you upgrade to a better model, sweetheart?" The bird was staring at Caroline.

Caroline just stared at the bird. Before she could form a response Klaus opened the cage to extract the bird and wring its neck. It flew out of its cage and landed on Kol's shoulder. "Hey, dude," Polly said to Kol. Kol held his glass of vodka out to Polly.

Klaus began to stalk toward the bird when Caroline stepped into his path. "See, this is what I mean. Just because someone or something offends you, it does not mean you have to kill, sire it or compel to behave in a manner that suits you."

Klaus growled. He wanted to use the bird as a feather duster. Polly stuck his tongue out at Klaus. He started to walk around Caroline but she sidestepped. 'Obviously the bird is badly behaved but maybe you can retrain it."

"I don't need no stinking re-training," Polly squawked.

"Caroline, love, if I have to stay under the same roof as that bird it will last the hour." Klaus was seething.

"Well, love why don't you make other living arrangements?" Polly spread his feathers and flew off into another room.

"Fly my pretty," Kol mumbled pulling out another glass to pouring out more vodka. Klaus grabbed his brother by the shirt collar. "I am going to stay with the Salvatores tonight. When I come back that bird had better be gone." With that said Klaus and Caroline walked out of the house through a side entrance.

Kol shrugged. Polly flew back and landed on his shoulder. "I thought he would never leave. What are we going to do know?"

Kol thought about what to do next and then he heard the front door open. "Lijah's home." Kol grinned as he waited for Elijah to find him. No one would love Polly more than Lijah. Of this fact Kol was certain.

**Okay. So, that was the first chapter of Birds of a Feather. Let me know what you think of this story as well as what you think will happen next. The plan is to update every Thursday. If you haven't already, check out my first Vampire Diaries fic, Welcome to 'Amp Burger. The title is weird but I promise it's a good story and despite the Kol/Elena/Caroline/Elijah listing these are not pairings. Those are the characters who I focused on and their relationships are with other characters. (For the most part.) I am also the author of The World According to Caroline Forbes Mikaelson a Klaroline centric tale with guest appearances from many of the canon characters including Kol and Bonnie. Take Me Out to the Ball Game is a humanverse Kennett story with plenty of Klaroline, Delena and other couples featured. Love, laugh, enjoy fiction.**

**LL**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Readers. Are you ready for more of Polly's antics? Enjoy!**

Chapter 2: Ruffled Feathers

Elijah Mikaelson and Damon Salvatore came walking into the Mikaelson kitchen. They were deep in discussion about something that Kol could care less about. Elijah was saying something about the doppelgänger and Rebekah were feuding again and it really must stop. Damon was rolling his eyes and mimicking Elijah behind his back.

They both stopped when Polly said, "You gorgeous man, you, where have you been all my life?"

Kol lifted an eyebrow. Well, that was not something he expected from his feathered friend to say but he would go with it. Elijah and Damon turned to Kol. "What did you just say?" Damon asked, his face scrunched in confusion.

"You are delicious. I'm thinking you, me and a bottle of whip cream." Damon gawked at the bird.

"Have you met Polly?" Kol inquired. Elijah groaned while Damon continued to stare at the parrot as if he had never seen one before. In fact, for all of Damon's years he had never met a talking parrot before. He believed that they existed because after all he was a vampire and he was not supposed to exist.

Damon found himself walking up to Polly and stroking one of his wings. "Oh, yeah, baby that's the spot."

Kol smirked. "Would you two like to be left alone?"

Damon shook his head. "Nope. I've just never seen one of these birds before."

Polly responded. "I've never seen a man as beautiful as you before." When Damon stopped stroking Polly complained. "Don't stop, sexy."

"Where on earth did you get that thing from?" Elijah inquired.

Kol shrugged, "Polly is not a thing. He is our new family pet. Bekah and Nik have already been introduced and they have given their opinion. As to how I obtained our newest family member - Mystic Falls has a new pet store. It is the cutest story of how Polly and I met. Polly would you like to answer that?"

"Bastard!" Polly squawked.

"See. I tell you. It was love at first sight." Kol patted his bird, who attempted to bite him.

"Damn fool," Polly squawked. He took flight and landed on Damon's shoulder.

Kol frowned at his new plaything. "Traitor."

Polly just turned around and shook his tail feathers at Kol squawking, "Kiss it."

Kol just rolled his eyes. "Lijah has better comebacks."

"Really?" Elijah asked with a slight smile.

"No, but one can hope that you will try to work on your comebacks in the next thousand years." Polly laughed at Kol's comment.

Polly flew back to Kol. "You are a funny chump."

Elijah stared at the bird. "You are an odd specimen."

"I'm odd, suit boy? There was a time that you would be called a stuffed shirt." Elijah's mouth dropped open and if he did not know better he would think that Niklaus was speaking to him.

"How did you do that?" Elijah interrogated the feathered creature.

"How do you do anything, mate? Now, why don't you go away? I want to talk to sexy." Polly was now imitating Elijah's voice. That annoyed Elijah.

"There are countries in which you would be stuffed and mounted on a wall." Elijah informed the bird.

Polly thought about that. "Yes, and there would be countries in which you would be as well." This time the retort came out resembling Rebekah's voice.

"Yes, you are right about that." Elijah agreed. "So, I see we have a creature that may outwit all of us by the end of the day."

"That's easy for you to say." Damon scoffed. "The day that an animal outsmarts me will be the day I give Kol the keys to my car."

"Is that a challenge, Salvatore?" Kol inquired.

"It might be, Mikaelson." Damon smirked, leaning against a counter opposite Kol.

"Well, then if I lose then I will stop videotaping you and doppelgänger having intercourse." Kol said with a huge grin.

"You what?" Damon yelled. He started to round the counter and found that Kol had sped off to the living room.

"Deal or no deal, Salvatore?" Kol called from his perch on the back of a sofa.

"Deal," Damon said.

"Alright, Elijah will judge. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that Lijah has a funny bone. And if he did he probably had it surgically removed." Kol frowned. There must be someone else who could judge this contest. He thought about it and then sent out eight texts and then sat waiting. He received eight responses.

Within the hour Rebekah, Klaus, Caroline, Elena, Bonnie, Jeremy, Stefan and Matt all walked into the Mikaelson living room. Jeremy spoke up first. "So are we really here to judge whether a bird can outsmart Damon because I think we already know the answer to that?"

Damon appeared in front of Jeremy and sneered. "Ha ha, baby Gilbert. Maybe you should be competing instead."

Jeremy smirked. "Not really my style, Damon."

"Take a seat." Damon shoved Jeremy down into a chair. "Now, keep your mouth shut or I will feed you to that one." He pointed at Klaus. "Capeesh."

Jeremy smiled at Damon. He knew Damon wouldn't really feed him to Klaus because Elena would kick Damon's ass first. Besides Caroline was there. So, Klaus was unlikely to be eating anyone. Well, he might eat the parrot given the death glare he was giving the bird.

"Hello, sucker," Polly greeted Klaus. "Welcome back. And there are my ladies. I think I've died and gone to heaven." The bird was now doing a Damon impression. Although the words did not sound like Damon. "Okay, sexy. Let's get this thing over for Bastard."

Klaus turned red. "You damn bird. I will boil you alive."

Polly looked at Klaus. "What's got your panties in a twist? Okay, you're not terrible looking but I don't like dog. And you're kind of scruffy."

Klaus growled. "Down boy. Good doggy. Jeez, somebody get him a Milkbone already." Polly ordered while shaking his head. "Temper, temper. Hey, pretty lady, do you want to get a stick for dog boy and play fetch in the yard while we get some real work done?"

Caroline was turning scarlet as the bird addressed her. She had been sexually harassed before but never by a parrot. This was sure to be the strangest contest that she had ever judged before.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reviewing Princess wolfcub, APieceofPiefor4Everybody011, Fallen Witch Angel, Stacie, my guest reviewers and SpringofMay. Reviews make my day. I also want to thank everyone who placed this story of their favorites and follows lists. Your support is what keeps me writing. **

**Review, favorite, follow. And don't forget to check my other stories, Welcome to Amp Burger, The World According to Caroline Forbes Mikaelson, His Biological Son, Her Greatest Desire and coming soon: I Want to be Human Again.**

**Until next time,**

**LL**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Readers. The challenge begins. Who do you think will win?**

Chapter 3: Bird Brained

"Okay," Jeremy Gilbert began. "The rules are simple, every time one of you opens your mouth or your beak something witty has to come out or the point goes to your opponent. The panel will decide who is rewarded a point. After fifty points are awarded a winner is declared. On your marks. Get ready. Go!"

There was a brief pause before Polly stated one word looking at Kol. "Bastard."

Damon's face wrinkled. "What? How is that witty?"

"Point one goes to the bird." Jeremy declared after speaking with the group.

"What?" Damon yelled.

"Point two goes to the horrific pet of my brother." Klaus announced.

Damon growled. Then he thought of how to get back at the hybrid. He stripped off his shirt and came over to Klaus. Damon pouted his lips at Klaus. "Hey there sailor. Would you like to buy me a drink?"

The panel began to laugh and clap. Damon bowed. "What do you have to say to that, bird?"

Polly flew in front of the panel and began to sing in Elijah's voice. "I'm just a love machine and I won't work for anyone but you." The bird then began to gyrate.

Elena fell off her chair laughing so hard tears came to her eyes. Even Elijah had to admit he was amused.

"Point three goes to Polly." Matt shouted.

Polly decided to go first. He walked over to Caroline and perched on her knee. "You beautiful creature I want to make a nest with you."

Caroline giggled. However, Damon really wanted that point. He walked over to Caroline "Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess that met a psychotic weredemon." Damon pointed at Klaus.

"Get to the point," Klaus snapped.

"So, after some serious fooling around the weredemon pulled off his mask and he turned out to be a handsome prince. The princess was so overjoyed that she agreed to marry the weredemon turned prince. Nine months later the princess gave birth to a baby. When the nurse gave the baby to the princess she screamed. The weredemon/prince came in and asked the princess what was the matter? She showed him his son who was a tiny little weredemon. She asked for an explanation. So, the weredemon pulled off his mask and there was his true weredemon face all along."

"How is that funny?" Caroline inquired.

Damon rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. "Because this is what you and that's spawn would look like." Damon held up his phone while pointing at Klaus. On the screen was a picture of a baby with curly, blonde hair, dimples and blue eyes. If you looked harder you noticed that the baby was covered in fur and had fangs. Everyone cracked up except for Klaus and Caroline.

"Point four goes to Damon," Bonnie proclaimed.

The game continued for another four hours. Damon and Polly tied at thirty points each. "I want to do dirty things to you." Damon said to Kol, who tried not to laugh but turned blue in the process.

Polly turned to Elijah. "I am fit to be tied."

"Point goes to Salvatore." Klaus announced.

Polly looked at Klaus. "How drunk does she have to be to find her way into your bed, dog boy?"

Damon began to laugh at the look on Klaus' face. "You should see-."

"Point goes to the parrot." Stefan looked apologetically at Damon.

"Damn it," Damon hissed and then realized he spoke out loud.

"I love Klaus so much I need a shirt that screams it," Polly said in Elena's voice.

Elena sighed. "Point goes to the parrot."

Polly decided to go. "D stands for deliriously self-deluded about one's own image of one's self." Polly stated this using Rebekah's voice.

Damon thought about it. He then walked over to Stefan. He sat on his brother's knee. "Steffy, I wuv you. I need you to change me and feed me and read me a night time story and give hugs and kisses. So, I don't turn out like that attention seeker over there." Damon pointed at Kol. "Or there." He pointed at Rebekah. "Or there." He pointed at Klaus. "Or over there." He pointed at Caroline, who flipped him off.

Elijah spoke up. "Point goes to the infant."

Polly looked at Elijah. "Mother fucker."

"Ouch," Damon smirked.

"Point goes to Polly," Jeremy yelled.

Damon decided to try a different tack. e went upstairs. Polly took the time to work the crowd. "Now, I have you all to myself, now that sexy pants left. Car-o-line, I want to draw you in the buff with disappearing ink so that I have to do it over and over again." Polly was using Klaus' voice and even Klaus found himself smiling. Caroline begun to turn pink.

After ten minutes Damon returned. Everyone began to laugh when they saw what he had done. Somehow Damon had dyed his hair Klaus' color and curled it. Then he had placed yellow contacts in his eyes. "Caroline, be mine forever." Damon pulled Caroline to her feet and dipped her low. He kissed her passionately on the lips.

Several of the panel members had to restrain Klaus from ripping Damon's head off. They forgot about Elena, who pulled Damon off of Caroline. She then tackled him and was about to punch him in the face.

"Lena, it was a joke." Damon tried to explain.

Polly interrupted. "This program will return after a brief word for our sponsors."

Bonnie shook her head. "One point to Damon for the Klaus impersonation. One to the bird for the last comment."

Damon groaned and Elena got up. She kicked him in the shin. "Lena," Damon moaned.

"I'm sexy and I know it and I really like to show it," Polly sang imitating Matt.

"Point goes to Polly," Rebekah cried.

"Seriously," Damon said.

"D is for delicious and dumb." Polly sang in Elena's voice.

"Point goes to the bird." Elena declared, not bothering to look at Damon. She could care less what he thought.

Damon rolled his eyes. Polly went first. He walked up to Klaus. "What do you and an anteater have in common?"

"What?" Klaus asked. He truly loathed this bird.

Polly squawked. "You both suck."

Damon decided to try to use his turn to make up with Elena. "Why do birds suddenly appear whenever you are near?" Damon crooned to Elena pointing at Polly. She tried not to smile but the irony was too much.

"Point goes to Damon." Elena announced getting up and kissing him.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Polly was singing "I'm just a Love Machine" performed by The Miracles. Damon was singing "Close to You" performed by the Carpenters. Tell me who you want to win the challenge. **

**Thank you SpringOf May, Princess wolfcub and Summer Marine for reviews. I love reviews. So, let me know who think won or who should win the contest. Favorite, follow and enjoy!**

**Until next Thursday,**

**LL **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello Parrot lovers. Are you ready to find out who won the challenge? Enjoy!**

Chapter 4: And the Loser Is…

"Who's winning?" Kol demanded of no one in particular.

Bonnie was the only who was taking the time to write down who had how many points. "Polly. He has thirty-nine and Damon has thirty-five."

Damon began to frown. "Well, Salvatore, are you ready to give up your car keys now? Before my bird shows all of your friends and your lovely girlfriend how incapable you are?"

Damon opened his mouth to reply when Elena stopped. "No. Damon, he's trying to make you say something to get Polly another point."

Kol shrugged. "What can I say? I like the car and there's a certain witch I would like to show the backseat." He winked at Bonnie.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Sure. Like that's gonna happen."

Damon smirked at Kol. "Point taken. Access denied."

Polly ruffled his feathers and then walked over to Bonnie and in Elijah's voice he informed her. "With its roomy interior the Camaro is the ultimate escape for lovers. Just remember to keep the roof up so you don't become the newest sensation on YouTube.

"Point goes to Damon. His joke was subtle but to the point." Klaus announced.

Polly decided to keep going. In Caroline's voice he began to sing a Spice Girls song. "Baby, if you want to be my lover. You've got to get with my friends." Polly pointed a wing at Elena and Bonnie and then turned around and shook his tail at Klaus. Klaus and Caroline smiled at each other.

Damon frowned at them. He really did not want to lose his car because of some stupid bird. He ran up the stairs and then reappeared in Stefan's clothes. "Oh, God. The humanity. Elena, help me. I need to drink. The thirst. It's unquenchable… I want the strawberry Kool-aid Caroline made."

"Point goes to Damon." Jeremy announced.

Elena cheered and Polly set his eyes on her. "Hello, my dear. I hear that there are two of you. Now, I don't why because one would seem to be quite enough." Elena turned red in the face, frowning at the bird.

Damon glared at the bird. "Hey, Polly. How would you like to be sent to Haiti? I'm sure they would love to meet you and you can meet a pot to save a village. Think of it. It will be your humanitarian effort for the year. They'll probably even make a statue in your honor. He died to save us."

Matt jumped up. "Damon gets the point." Damon bowed to him.

Polly wanted to even the score. "Well, while we're on the subject of humanitarian work. I'm just a humble bird trying to make a go of it in a large world full of misery and chaos. So, my dear, sexy pants, why don't you find the next space launch and fly yourself to the moon to find an inhabitable planet for the poor creatures here. Don't worry about how things are back home. I'm sure Stefan will be happy to take care of any needs Elena has."

"Hey," Elena cried. Stefan buried his face in his hands.

Damon growled and then he calmed himself down. "Polly, I am sorry. It must be truly difficult knowing that one day Kol will grow tired of his new toy and begin to use his own voice box again. But until then my friend you can be sure of one thing…"

"What?" Polly asked.

"You'll never have to clean your own cage, you'll never have to make your own food you'll never have to pay your own rent. So, basically… you're Jeremy Gilbert."

Bonnie called. "One point to Damon and one point to Polly."

Jeremy shook his head. "Why are you picking on me?"

Polly the parrot thought about the next answer. "I want a cracker." The bird was addressing Klaus with a wink.

Klaus stared at the bird. "I don't get it." He looked around the room for help.

Elijah placed his hand over his mouth to cover up a grin. "I do believe the bird is flirting with you while insulting you."

"Oh." Klaus said, shrugging. "I'm used to that."

Damon sighed. He ran back up stairs and ransacked Rebekah's clothing. He found the outfit he wanted. When he came back downstairs the group began to whistle. "Go Timberwolves." Damon shouted in a falsetto. Then he began to do one of the routines that Caroline loved with a back hand spring included and finished the routine doing the splits.

"The point goes to Damon." Bonnie announced, folding her arms over her chest. "We do not support the use of derogatory remarks within this group. Unless it's to make to fun of Klaus' inability to make tea, given the British accent and all." She ended the speech with smirk in Klaus' direction.

"Due to the nature of this program parental supervision is cautioned but not expected or desired or deemed worthy of consideration. Hey, Mom and Dad. I made it. I'm on TV using lewd and indecent language. And I'm as naked as the day I was born like many characters circa 1970. Thank you for watching." Polly announced.

Damon smirked. "You know what I love about TV today. You can do anything, you can say anything and you can make millions of dollars. But here's what I don't like. That they discriminate against vampires. I don't mean those guys and ladies who put on makeup and pop in some fangs. I mean us." He held up a hand and indicated his fellow vampires. "I say we storm the studios and demand equal air time. We deserve exposure. They don't have a right to make money off us. Who's with me?"

"The point goes to Damon." Elena said, proudly.

"Bitch." Polly squawked.

It was Damon's turn. "The sexiest part of Caroline Forbes is her smile. So, this Christmas, Klaus, you should send thank you gifts to her mother and her dental hygienist. Because, dude, Elena was showing me this picture of Care at eight and wow, that was a lot of metal. I think you could start a recycling campaign after she had her braces removed."

"That point goes to Damon. Unfortunately." Rebekah glowered at Damon as she held Caroline back from attacking him. "You can kill him after the game." She told Klaus, soothingly seeing his eyes begin to glow yellow.

"Keep your pants on." Damon told Klaus. "Oh, wait. I forgot. Caroline's here so there's no point in taking them off." .

Now, it was Polly's turn. "I don't know why they call it stripping when someone takes their clothes off. I always thought of it as molting."

"The point goes to Damon again." Tyler told the jokers.

"You know what you get when you put a drama queen with a desire for world domination and a controlling, peddler of old southern charm together? Klaroline." Damon grinned at the couple.

"You know what you get when you put an arrogant prick with a princess complex and lonely, depressed, soon to be a serial killer together? Delena." Polly began to shed some feathers on Damon's shoes before flying over to Kol.

Everyone hesitated. "Point goes to Polly." Elena announced, squirming uncomfortably.

Damon frowned. 'What would crack the group up?' he thought. Then he grinned. Reaching out he grabbed Klaus and Stefan by a hand and jerked them before the group. "Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union that these two guys have been putting off for way too long -" Damon was cut off by Caroline getting up and breaking his neck.

Polly came over to Caroline. "Would you hold my wing you lovely thing."

Caroline smirked at the bird. "Sorry, Polly the point goes to Damon."

Damon woke up. "Ow. Seriously, Care? Points off for technique but the execution was flawless."

Polly was flustered. "I once went walked into a club. That really hurt."

Stefan jumped to his feet. "Point to my brother. Team Salvatore."

Damon bowed as Elena and Stefan clapped. "I'm am the dancing queen." Damon sang, twirling about.

Polly was not to be out done during this round. He flew off into another room and pulled a painting into the room that the others were in. "By the technical skills, I would say this painting was created by Jackson Pollock, showing his disappointment and rage at society. Then I thought it was a five year-old with his first paint set. Then I discovered that the author of this devastatingly tragic work is none other than our resident artist, Klaus Mikaelson. The portrait is entitled 'How I Feel about Caroline.'" Everyone stared at the canvas which was splattered with various blue, black and gold paint, swirling together. "If that doesn't say love I don't know what does."

Jeremy smiled. "Point goes to Polly."

Klaus groaned as he looked at the work that he had made when he and Caroline had another fight. Damon came over and looked at the piece. "Well, I'm not really an artsy type of guy but I would say that the work conveys, anger, desperation and the agony of love. But I'm not an expert on mental health. Now, Stefan how would you treat Mr. Mikaelson's condition? Pills or a deep, soothing Caroline detox?"

Polly was ready for Damon this time. "Rather than sending Klaus for treatment I suggest you lock him and his beloved in a tank full of alligators. Whichever one survives will never have to deal with the other again."

"Point to Polly." Matt announced.

Polly went first this time. "Rebekah, you are so very lovely I just want to spend the next thousand years just looking at you while you show the rest of these wannabes how to be somebody."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Sexy Bexs. We've had our ups and downs. You know that you are the only girl that could inspire in me the desire to change my name, live near the equator and then bury myself in a hole a hundred beneath the earth so that we would never have to face each other again."

Klaus grinned. "That point goes to Damon for making me laugh."

Damon was happy because it was near the end. "If you add up the scorecard between the guys that Caroline and Rebekah have been involved with you'll have an equal total with how many people are in the NBA. Males and Females."

Polly flapped his wings. "If you think they are promiscuous you should see my list. It's as long as the Mississippi river and that's only for the first half of my life."

"That one goes to D." Tyler said.

"I love chocolate syrup. It can be used in the most creative of manners." Damon grinned at the group. Caroline, Elena and Rebekah all blushed.

"I declared myself a lifelong bachelor at the age of five." Polly informed the group in Klaus' voice.

Caroline, Elena and Rebekah conferred. "The point goes to Damon." Caroline told them.

"Sluts." Polly spat.

"Sex on stillettos is what I call them which ironically was a pen name of mine when I was writing Stefan's unauthorized biography." Damon waited for the applause which he received.

"You what?" Stefan questioned his brother. Elena leaned over. "Oh, point to Damon."

Polly wanted the next point, badly. "Kol is so in love with Bonnie Bennett that he has a doll made up in her likeness. And I could have sworn that it was screaming help me as he took it to his room last night."

Now, it was Damon's turn. "Kol Mikaelson is the youngest of the Originals physically and psychologically. Many have wondered what has caused this vampire to behave the way he does until now. But there is a cure. It is Bonnie Bennett. To be taken three times daily. Please, seek medical assistance if abnormal rash, burning or swelling occurs. This goes for both parties."

Polly fluffed out his feathers. "Alright. I have had it. I see you all. You're looking down at me. Do you think it helps me to know that I'm different? I can't help it. I was born this way."

Damon became excited about his next joke. "I want the hybrid but wait there's another hybrid or maybe a vampire or maybe I'm in love with myself." Damon jumped from Tyler's lap to Klaus' to Stefan's to Caroline's. "But at the end of day. There's nothing like a football player to make me feel secure or insecure but then again it is my besty Elena's job to be indecisive." Damon had settled onto Matt's lap, who was shaking his head.

"Point goes to Damon." Stefan informed the group. "Damon, you are the winner. And the loser is Polly the parrot." Polly attacked Stefan and began to bite him viciously. Damon couldn't help his brother because he was being pummeled by Elena.

Kol took the time to sneak up and grab Damon's car keys while everyone was distracted. He grabbed Bonnie by the waist and sped her out the front door. "You don't really have a doll that looks like me, do you?" Bonnie asked him.

"Of course not." Kol looked out the window of the driver's side of the car as he revved the engine. "Besides I'm supposed to take you three times a day as Dr. Damon instructed." At that moment everyone in the group came running outside to watch Kol drive away. Polly flew into the car and landed on Kol's shoulder, his beak covered in blood. "He really is a part of the family now." Kol stated with a grin.

**Damon may have won the contest but Polly and Kol had the last laugh. And don't worry, the story is far from over even though Bonnie and Kol have driven off into the sunset. **

**Oh, I wanted to add before the thank yous that one of my reviewers told me that he or she sent one that never showed up with the other reviews. So, if I don't leave a thank you it's probably because I didn't see the review or right before/after I finished editing a chapter. **

**I want to thank my lovely reviewers. CobraQueen I do believe I forgot to thank you for your review of chapter two. I'm smacking myself right now. Bad author. Always remember to thank your supporters. Thank you love-angel, SpringOf May, (although Polly didn't win the contest, Damon still lost the car ;)) and ZombieSavior. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello Readers. Are you ready to go on the road with ménage a birdsome? Enjoy!**

Chapter 5: La Cage a Fowl

Kol was enjoying the view of Bonnie Bennett as she leaned over a railing of one of the most expensive hotels in Richmond, Virginia. "This is an awesome view." Bonnie called to Kol, who was sitting on the bed flipping through TV channels. Everything was soooo boring.

"Be careful, darling. I would hate to see your lovely face meet the pavement." Kol called back mindlessly flipping to another channel. There was nothing but rubbish on the tube. It was disgusting.

Polly was walking back and forth across the floor. The bird had been doing that for over an hour. If Kol did not know better he would swear the bird was pacing. Polly had been grumbling to himself and every once in a while he would jerk a feather out viciously. Kol moved so that his head hung off the end of the bed. "What's wrong, my pet?"

Polly turned around and spread his wings. "Nothing is wrong with me. What's wrong with you? Besides the obvious mental disability."

Kol sighed and rolled over onto his back. He stared at Bonnie's backside. "I thought I would be having lots of sex but my witch seems to be on a sightseeing tour."

Polly flew onto the bed. "Maybe she doesn't think of you that way. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Maybe she wants to spend some quality time with your sexy sister."

Kol cocked an eyebrow at Polly but began to grin. "Ah, dear, you are a dirty minded bird, aren't you?"

"Damn straight." Polly replied. "Which I doubt you are."

Bonnie chose that time to walk back inside and began to laugh. Kol glared at her. "That bird knows nothing."

Trying to contain her laughter Bonnie came to sit beside Kol. "It's okay. We can just be friends."

Kol's eyes widened. "No. No, that is the last thing I want. I like women. Lots of women. I have had sex with lots of women."

"And men and a few goats." Polly filled in.

Kol wasn't listening. "Yes, that's exactly righ-" Kol caught himself. "Damn it, Polly. That was not funny." He turned to Bonnie who was trying to stop smiling, biting the inside of her cheek.

Hopping off of the bed Kol opened the door to the hotel room. "We need a change of venue, my dear." He held out a hand to Bonnie, who looked at Polly. Polly flew out the door and Bonnie followed the bird seemingly unconsciously. Kol didn't seem to notice the slightly glazed over look on Bonnie's face as they walked to the elevator.

"Where shall we go, little Witchy." Kol quirked an eyebrow, smirking at Bonnie, who was still staring at the bird.

"A club." Polly squawked.

Kol ignored the bird and, placed a hand on Bonnie's cheek, he turned her face in his direction. "Is that what you want to do, Bonnie?"

Bonnie shook her head and then smiled brightly. "Yeah. Why not? It could be fun." She turned to look at Polly. "Which club?"

"The Bloody Mary." Polly replied, imitating Pierce Brosnan.

Bonnie clapped. "Oh, that was so good. Come on Polly say something else."

"Bond. James Bond." Polly continued to imitate the actor. "Double O Seven."

Bonnie began to laugh and Kol leaned against a wall of the elevator. He began to punch at the button. "He's not that funny." Kol muttered.

Bonnie turned to Kol and placed a hand on his chest, looking him in the eye. "Are you jealous of a bird?"

"He ought to be." Polly responded.

"Shut it, Polly." Bonnie told the bird still looking Kol in the eye. "I'm here because I want to spend time with you. If I didn't want to I would have forced you to turn the car around two minutes after we hit the end of the drive way."

Kol sighed resting his head against the top of Bonnie's. He eyed his pet warily. There was something about the bird which was beginning to unnerve him. However, he knew that there wasn't much he could do about it at the moment. For some reason he couldn't seem to gather the rage in order to murder the creature nor could he leave it somewhere. "Alright." Kol told Bonnie. "We'll go to the club."

They got off of the elevator and walked to the garage. After climbing into the car Polly directed them to the club. "Being as you are a bird, how do you know of this club?"

Polly flew onto Kol's shoulder. "My former owner used to take me with him. And I don't believe you two really care about me. I think you want to enjoy the club."

Kol and Bonnie began to nod, thoughtfully. "Yes, I haven't been to a new club in a week." Kol said absently. "And I've never been to one with Bonnie."

"I rarely get to go to clubs. We don't have them in Mystic Falls. It's really boring there." Bonnie was talking to herself as much as she was talking to Kol and Polly. "I wish I lived somewhere exciting."

"You could." Kol said, relaxing into his seat no longer aware of Polly's presence on his shoulder.

"I have to finish school." Bonnie responded. But for some reason school seemed so far away, along with all of her friends. "I have lots of things to do. I have to do magic things to keep my friends safe."

Polly began to talk to Bonnie. "Your friends are all happy. They don't need you. Things are good and you are safe and happy. We're going to a club and you both will have lots of fun."

Kol parked Damon's car in front of the club. There was a colorful awning and lots of people were streaming in and out of the club. The bouncer looked at Kol and Bonnie and nodded. Then the bouncer saw Polly and put a hand up to stop them. "What's with the bird?" The bouncer asked Kol.

"I like it here. Now, buzz off and go lift a water cooler, Jackass." Polly flew into the club and Kol shrugged. The bouncer seemed offended but didn't say another word. When Kol and Bonnie stepped inside they were assaulted by loud music, strobe lights and lots of happy people.

Kol was content. There were lots of gorgeous women in the club and a few men. There were women serving drinks, female bartenders and a woman on stage singing. Using his advanced eyesight Kol looked for Polly and found him sitting on top of a table and sipping from a glass. Kol placed a hand on Bonnie's lower back and maneuvered her through the busy club.

"This is wonderful, Polly." Kol told the bird.

Polly was watching the singer. "Glad you like it, Bastard. I thought it would be your style."

Kol pulled a chair out for Bonnie and then pulled one out for himself. Sitting down he admired the singer's long legs barely covered by her skirt. The singer seemed to notice his stare because she came to stand before their table. "Hello, Baby. What's your name?"

Kol grinned, looking at Bonnie, who smiled at him. Turning back to the singer. "My name is Kol." He informed her.

"Well, cutie. I think you should come up here and give us a song. Come, Kol, you sweet looking child." The singer held out a hand to Kol.

Kol looked to Bonnie who waved him off. "Go. Go." Bonnie called.

'This was great.' Kol thought. Most of the women he had been with before would have lost their tempers if Kol had spent time with a woman as gorgeous as the singer.

She held his hand as she began to sing. "Her name was Lola. She was a show girl." The singer began and then held the microphone out to Kol.

Kol looked at the monitor and began to sing. "With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there." Kol sang and Bonnie had to place her hands over her mouth to contain her laughter.

When the song was over Kol sat back down with Bonnie and Polly. "That was fun. I'm surprised you weren't jealous darling." Kol picked up the drink he had ordered before beginning his singing career. "I mean that singer is rather lovely and I do believe that she was coming on to me."

Bonnie was smiling more and more widely. "Yes. She is very pretty."

Kol frowned. "And it didn't bother you that she was flirting with me."

"Nope." Bonnie said pulling the cherry out of her drink and placing it between her teeth, peering at Kol between her eyelashes.

"You are jealous. Aren't you going to admit it?" Kol said leaning over the table smiling at Bonnie as she shook her head.

"Kol, have you ever seen La Cage a Folle?" Bonnie asked swirling her drink and then smirking at Kol.

"No. Why?" Kol said, sitting back.

"Well, in the movie there was this couple where the husband ran a club. His wife was one of the performers. She was a female impersonator…" Bonnie told him.

"Okay." Kol said, looking at the singer and then it dawned on him what Bonnie was implying. "No… I would have noticed."

Polly began to flap his wings and squawk. "Kol is bisexual." As Kol held up his hand. "I need a lot of alcohol. Whatever you have lying around, keep it coming. This is going to be a very long night." He informed the waitress.

TBC

**Thank you Panthre, redbudrose, love-angelgaby, ZombieSavior, SpringOfMay, boomkarkaraka05, Cobraqueen35 and TheShipperholic. To answer TheIrishshipperholic's comment/question: there is more to Polly than meets the eye. To be a little less vague let's just say Polly may not have always been a bird per se and that the canon character that Polly may have been may be able to do things that will change who and what happens. I know this is somewhat vague but it's a twist and I don't want give it away. I've probably said too much and you all review and ask me if it's the character that you think it is. Then you'll be right. Oh, dear. ****Anyway, to be clear. This story does not follow any particular season. Otherwise Jeremy, Kol and Bonnie probably wouldn't be running around. Anyone can and probably will show up because Julie Plec has killed way too many cool characters, like Alaric. I'm going to shut up now. Review, fav, follow. And I will try to answer review questions through PM fairly quickly. If you don't have an account I will answer in my sometimes excessively long A/Ns. If you read this say pineapple in your review just for the heck of it. **


	6. Chapter 6

**This is an author's note. I want to say that I'm really sorry about this but I'm stuck on chapter six. It should be updated on Saturday morning with four of my other fics. Thank you for your patience. **

**Love,**

**LL**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello my lovelies. I am so sorry about the late update my brain was frozen. I think it went for a vacation in the Tundra. Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter 6: Dude Looks Like a Lady and Vice Versa

Three hours and countless drinks later Bonnie and Kol were on stage together. Bonnie was wearing a green wig, metallic lipstick and platform shoes. She was pretty sure she had once seen Elton John wearing this same pair of footwear. That thought sent her into a series of giggles as Kol crooned into a microphone. After he had had the drink that sent him over the edge someone convinced him to put on a dress. From there he had pulled on a pair of fishnets, a garter belt, a pair of spiky high heels and was wearing a long blonde wig.

"I am so much sexier than Bekah will ever be." Kol declared to the delighted crowd. They didn't know who his sister was but they loved Kol. He had stopped singing recognizable songs an hour ago. "I have a brother. He is a werewolf. He howls at the moon and loves a pretty girl." He sang. "But she doesn't know that she's his only lovey dovey do."

Bonnie laughed and began to sing with him. "Lovey dovey do. She's my besty. She's better than the resty. She's little crazy. But he loves her anyway because he's crazy toooooo."

There was movement in the back of the room, when a group of people came into the club and began to walk around the tables. "Oh, yeah, he's crazy. My brother Nik is cooky, banana crazy, loco, nutty, lovey dovey do." Kol sang as he recognized the pair of blue eyes that were staring at him. "My brother, Nik, he's a raving lunatic." He sang happily pointing at Klaus, who was glowering at him.

"Car-o-line." Bonnie sang. "That's her name. "She's my best over all the resty but her boy is out of his mind." She began to make circular motions on either side of her head as she caught sight of Caroline standing off to the side looking hurt. She would have fallen off the stage if Kol didn't grab her.

Holding onto Bonnie tightly with his right arm Damon had to sneak up behind him to wrestle the microphone away from the Original. "Sorry, folks but this performance is over." Damon announced.

"Baby all you have to do is just stand there and that is a performance all by itself." One of the audience members called and Damon smirked.

"Honey, do you do your own makeup because I would add a little more blush." One of the drag queens told Rebekah who raised an eyebrow at her.

"Excuse me?" Rebekah frowned.

"Oh, honey, don't. It will age you faster. We need to depend on our looks." The queen told her.

Rebekah's jaw dropped. "Nancy," another one of the women called. "Did you see the little brunette who came in with that beautiful man? I have never seen a queen work so hard to keep her man but she obviously needs tips. Did you see her chest? I think she needs to understand that there is nothing wrong with adding a little something. I have no problem with the natural look but why not have fun?"

Nancy grinned. "Why don't you go give the kid that advice, Ginny?"

Ginny hurried over to an amused Elena who was watching Kol sway his hips while he serenaded his brother. Rebekah put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter when she heard Ginny giving Elena her advice. Elena's cheeks turned pink as she attempted to think of a polite way to say she did not want to stuff her bra.

"Well, how long have you been performing as a female, honey?" Nancy asked Rebekah.

"Since I was born." Rebekah replied drily.

Nancy quirked an eyebrow. "That's a long time. I started when I was twelve. Got beaten up by my Dad when he found me trying on my Mom's Sunday church dress. Slapped me around a bit. But it's fine. Look at me now. I've got a good job. Good friends. We girls look out for each other. You know? You got people like that?"

Frowning Rebekah thought about it. "I don't really have any friends. Well, there's April. And then I have brothers. Kol. He's the one up there on the stage in a dress. Nik he's the one down there in the audience being taunted by Kol. Then there is Elijah. He's our older brother and looks out for all of us."

Looking at the three men Nancy smiled. "I don't have siblings but I always wondered what it would be like to have a little sister. We could have gone shopping together."

Rebekah grinned. "It is really hard being the only girl. They will never leave me alone and when I was thirteen I got my first period and Nik told mother that I was dying because I was bleeding but I hadn't been cut."

"Oh." Nancy's eyes grew round. "So, you're not a female impersonator?"

Rebekah shook her head. "No. But I must say that is a very charming establishment and I do not believe I have seen Kol have this much fun since when he was beating someone senseless since we were young."

"Just tell me that your little brown haired friend is an impersonator." Nancy gave Rebekah a pleading look.

"I wish I could say yes…" Rebekah let her voice trail off quietly while Nancy looked over at Ginny who was talking excitedly to Elena, who was nodding along.

"There is a first time for everything." Nancy said with a shrug.

"Nancy Sinatra, right?" Stefan appeared at Rebekah's side.

Nancy grinned. "These boots are made for walking." Nancy gave a little shimmy while she sang and Stefan clapped.

"That's great." Stefan told Nancy. "I'm Stefan Salvatore." He bowed to her before holding out a hand to take hers and kissed the back.

Nancy grinned at Rebekah. "This one is a keeper. If he's yours, don't let him get away."

Stefan looked at Rebekah who opened her mouth to respond and by the look on her face he knew it was not going to be kind. "We're just good friends. And I don't want to be rude but we need to get our friends and get going."

"It was nice meeting you, Stefan." Nancy waved as Stefan walked off with Rebekah and they watched Klaus drag Kol off the stage kicking and screaming.

"He is man handling me." Kol screamed in a high falsetto. "Get off of me, you brute. You fiend. You silly man you." Kol slapped Klaus just making his brother angrier. He threw Kol off the stage. He would have landed on the floor if Elijah hadn't caught him. "My hero."

Elijah sighed. "Shall we leave now?" Everyone nodded.

"Where's Polly?" Bonnie asked.

"Party in Kol Mikaelson's suite at the Plaza. Let's go folks." Polly flew toward the door to be followed by a large group from the club.

"Who's Kol Mikaelson?" Nancy and Ginny asked at the same time as they fell into line behind Rebekah and Stefan.

"I'm am." Kol called. "And that is my bird Polly. He is a lovely chap. He tells lovely lies about me. I want everyone to know I love Bonnie Bennett. She is beautiful and sexy. She does things to me I did not believe possible. Bonnie, darling. Come to me, my lovel,." Kol called.

Bonnie stumbled over to Kol on her platforms and began to walk beside Kol who was still being carried out of the club by Elijah. "Yes?"

"Marry Bonnie? Be my little witchy forever?" Kol asked his head hanging off of Elijah's arm so that he was looking at Bonnie upside down.

Bonnie laughed. "Okay. Someone can't handle his alcohol."

"I am completely serious. See. I have a ring." Kol began to pat himself down. "Damn it. It's in my pants."

Ginny hurried forward. "Here you can use mine."

"Put me down brother." Kol called to Elijah, who dropped him on the floor and began to dust himself off.

Scrambling to get into a kneeling position Kol tugged on his skirt to get up so he could get comfortable. "Bloody thing." After adjusting his wig so it wasn't half on half off he grabbed Bonnie's left hand. "Bonnie Bennett. I know we've had our ups and downs. I'm a vampire; you're a witch. I hate all your friends and have tried to kill several of them but I love you. Will you make me the happiest Original vampire in the room and marry me despite my eccentricities because they'll grow on you if you allow th-." Kol was cut off by Bonnie kissing him on the mouth.

"I call bridesmaid." Ginny proclaimed happily.

"I call the psych ward." Damon muttered putting his arms around Elena.

Kol and Bonnie ignored the chaos around them while the others began to argue. They were in a world of their own and no one noticed Polly flying on the fringes of the group chanting something in a dead language.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. OMG did Kol just propose to Bonnie! Yup! **** We'll where that goes. Thank you for the favs, follows and reviews. redrosebud: Polly** **is evil. I will not even try to defend him. He's just evil and you cannot trust a word that comes out of that bird's mouth. Imagine he is a male Katherine with feathers. If you want to know why check out wolvesrock60's review. Thank you love-angelgaby, TheIrishShipperholic number one reason you will probably see Finn and Sage at some point in the story: check out wolvesrock60's review answer for chapter 5. Thank you Cobraqueen35. Thank you Briaa and I hope you liked the Kennett in this chapter. I know there is not a lot of it but there will be more as the plot thickens. wolvesrock60 thank you for the pineapple and you are right on the mark. Oh, Silas how did you ever become a bird? Writer shakes her head smirking. Now, say cheese if you read my long A/N. **

**Love,**

**LL**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello readers. I hope you like this chapter. I've been struggling with this story a little bit and it feels wobbly. However, I have some ideas which may take this from a witty piece to an actual work. We'll see and I want to know what you think even if you feel it's slipping a bit. That way I'll know what your worries are and I can figure out whether to take a step back reevaluate. Or maybe I'm just overwrought here. Wiry ****.**

Chapter 7: Party at the Plaza

Polly observed the children as they made their way toward the elevator. The one they called Kol was counting heads. "Sorry, Bekah. There is a weight capacity for the lift and we would not want to be held up."

"Kol, you little -." Rebekah, one of the pretty girls, snapped at her brother.

"Enough." Elijah, the one with the hair, yelled at his siblings.

Ignoring them all, Polly flew into the back of the elevator and watched as the doppelgänger girl and boy got onto the elevator. They were followed by the sexy one who came to stand between the two doppelgängers. Polly stared down at the boy doppelgänger. He knew nothing and Polly couldn't wait to be out of this bird's body.

Klaus and the other beautiful blonde came to stand with the others.

The strange newcomers got onto the elevator. They came to stand beside Sexy Pants. In fact Polly thought Damon Salvatore was a bit of an idiot. So was Klaus in this bird's opinion. Then there was his "owner" Kol. Oh, he would revenge himself upon that boy as soon as he had his own body back.

In the meantime Polly had other ways of seeking revenge on the Original brother. Turning his entire life upside down would only be the beginning. As everyone disembarked from the elevator Kol made a bee line for the phone. "Hello, room service. We will need great quantities of liquor to be brought to my room. No, I do not care what. But make it your finest, whatever it is. We are to celebrate an engagement."

This was just the beginning of Polly's scheme. "Bonnie." Polly called.

Obediently Bonnie came to stand before the bird. "I want you to place a spell on this hotel. No one will come in and no one will go out for the next twenty-four hours."

Bonnie grinned at the bird. "Yes, Polly. Whatever you want, little bird."

"I'm not a damn bird." Polly snarled under his breath.

"What was that, Polly?" Damon asked, sidling up to the bird.

Polly stared at Damon. "Hello, Sexy Pants why don't you and the girl doppelgänger go play on the terrace?"

Shrugging Damon went over to the balcony and pulled Elena outside. "Caroline." Polly called. "Go lock your friends outside, please?"

Nodding Caroline went over and locked the doors to the balcony. Damon turned around to stare. It was a good thing that that Plaza was well aware of vampires since 1962. They had their doors reinforced to prevent vampires from being able to break them easily. And then there was the soundproofing. Polly watched as Damon and Elena frantically beat on the doors. They began to yell but no one inside could hear them.

This was quite amusing to Polly. "Klaus, come here." The Original hybrid trudged over warily to Polly. "You no longer feel attracted to Caroline. You have changed your mind and are feeling a certain fondness toward your brother's fiance."

Shaking his head Klaus turned to look at Bonnie who looked rather fetching in her wig and platform shoes. "Klaus." Caroline called.

Turning toward the baby vampire, Klaus frowned. "Sorry, love. I need to go get some air." He walked over to the balcony. Seeing Damon and Elena trapped outside he turned and headed for the front door.

Sighing Caroline sat down on the bed. "What is going on with everyone?"

Polly watched the young vampire carefully. "Stefan, will you come with me for a moment?"

Walking on these cursed clawed feet Polly made his way into the bathroom. "Close the door." Polly ordered Stefan. His ability to do magic had been weakened considerably when the damn witch had forced him into this stupid body but biting Stefan Salvatore had not been the crazed fit of a deranged pet.

The younger Salvatore brother's blood was giving him a connection to the young vampire. It wasn't much but it might be enough. Closing his eyes Polly touched Stefan's hand with his wing. Within moments the Salvatore brother and Polly came to lie on the floor.

Five minutes later there was a soft tapping on the door. "Stefan, are you in here?" Caroline tried the doorknob. Stefan sat up slowly and saw the bird. Picking up the bird he placed it inside the cabinet underneath the sink and ripped off the knob, tossing it carelessly into the he bathtub.

"Yeah, Care. Just a moment." Stefan called fixing his hair quickly with a smirk. He opened the door widely with a huge grin. "Did the party start without me?" Sliding out the door and shutting it behind him firmly Stefan slid an arm around Caroline's waist enjoying the feel of her close to him.

"Are you okay, Stefan?" Caroline asked her friend.

"I'm great. Why do you ask?" Stefan asked with a wider grin.

"Hey, guys." Bonnie bounced up to them with a fruity drink in each hand. She handed them the drinks. "Care, would you be my maid of honor?"

Caroline's eyes began to sparkle. "Sure. If you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with Kol? I mean how long have we known the Mikaelsons?"

"You rang." Kol grinned happily as he appeared behind Bonnie wrapping his arms around her waist. "What are you lovely ladies discussing about me?" Fluttering his eye lashes his grin did not falter as he propped his chin on top of Bonnie's head.

"I was asking Caroline if she would like to be a bridesmaid and she said yes," Bonnie informed Kol while giving Caroline an evil grin.

Fully intending upon objecting Caroline opened her mouth wide when Stefan slid an arm around her shoulders. "Why don't we go dance with the others and let these two enjoy their night?" Without giving her the time to object he drew her by the hand into the crowd of friends who were in attendance.

Kol turned Bonnie around to face him. "Are you happy, Bonnie?"

Bonnie looked up into his eyes. "Very."

"I was just worried that it would seem sudden. I mean I've been alive for a thousand years and never fancied the thought of tying myself down." Looking thoughtful Kol watched as Damon banged on the door to the terrace. "Your friends are locked on the terrace." Feeling no inclination to help them Kol just watched as Damon cursed every one inside.

Sighing Bonnie turned around and looked at the terrace. "Oh," was all she could find herself saying. For some reason she felt horribly relaxed. It was like her mind was moving very slowly. "We should help them."

"Um hm." Kol murmured against her hair. "Yes, we should but right now I think we should dance." He began to sway his body slowly back and forth to the music feeling his eyelids begin to droop. "I feel sleepy. Do you feel sleepy, my lovely witch?"

Yawning, Bonnie pressed her face further into Kol's shoulder. "Yes. I feel very sleepy. We should take a nap."

"Yes." Kol said in a dreamy tone as he sank to his knees pulling Bonnie down beside him and they fell into a deep sleep.

Walking over to Bonnie and Kol Rebekah yawned. "You wankers. I need to ask you if I could be a bridesmaid but you had to go to sleep." Yawning again, Rebekah watched the door to the hotel room open. "Nik." She called as he looked over her. Before she could finish her thought she sank down and went to sleep beside her brother.

Surprised Klaus looked around at the sleeping people in the room. Even Elijah had taken off his jacket and was resting in a chair. The only people who weren't asleep were Damon, Caroline and Stefan. Elena was nodding off in Damon's arms and Caroline was blinking. Stefan looked wide awake. Klaus' eyes narrowed as he watched the pair on the dance floor.

Shaking his head Klaus looked down at Bonnie and Kol and felt the overwhelming urge to carry the witch out of the room and away from this madness. However, something about all this felt wrong. Moving swiftly Klaus walked over to the terrace and opened the door. Stepping past Damon and Elena Klaus walked to the back of the balcony. Sucking deep breathes of cool air he calmed his rattled nerves. "There is something wrong here, Salvatore."

Placing Elena in a chair Damon walked over to him and leaned against the railing. "I know. What was your brother thinking proposing in in a yellow cocktail dress? Personally, I think red would have suited him much better."

Cocking his head and glaring at Damon, Klaus' eyes glowed in the darkness of the night. "That is not what I meant and this is not the time for jokes, Damon," he seethed.

Turning around to look at the sky Damon groaned. "Don't you think I know that? Obviously there is something wrong here. It's that damn bird."

Klaus nodded slowly. "Yes. I do believe there is more to my brother's little pet than I believed."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Damon asked.

"That maybe Polly is not some deranged wildlife which my brother brought home to torment me with but that there is someone's sprit trapped in the damnable thing." Klaus smirked at Damon.

Thinking about it Damon replied slowly. "Yes. And that sprit happens to be able to control what we do like the engagement, Bonnie's locking me and Lena on the terrace and the sudden mass nap time."

Klaus narrowed his eyes. "And my sudden fixation with Bonnie."

Damon's eyebrows rose. "Now, that is just wrong."

"Do not mock me, Damon." Klaus warned taking a step toward the other vampire.

Raising his hands Damon chuckled. "Sorry. What I meant to say was Rah. Rah. Go team Klaroline."

Chuckling Klaus looked inside to see Caroline pressed to Stefan Salvatore whose hands were in a place that made Klaus' blood boil. "Does your brother have a death wish?" He seethed.

Peering into the room Damon looked confused. "That's odd. The last time I talked to him Stef told me missed Rebekah…"

They watched Stefan pull back to smile down at Caroline brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "That is strange indeed." Klaus was determined to get to the bottom of this new mystery as soon as he got ahold of the damn bird and left this hotel.

"Come on, Damon. We are checking out tonight." Klaus strode into the room.

"Wakey wakey everyone." Klaus bellowed causing everyone in the room to jump to their feet. "It's time to reconvene somewhere else." He strode toward the door with Damon behind him carrying Elena.

Kol began to walk with Bonnie beside him. Klaus stopped to look for Caroline. She was still dancing with Stefan. "Caroline." He called.

Caroline's gaze drifted to Klaus and then back to Stefan, torn. "Go ahead." Stefan said quietly smiling before allowing Caroline to walk away and into Klaus' arms. When the group reached the lobby they found they could not exit.

"I guess we'll be having the wedding here." Kol said cheerfully.

"I could not think of a better location." Bonnie said equally cheerful.

"Welcome to Stepford land." Damon said to Klaus as they walked slowly back to the elevator to reenter the room with the man who wore Stefan Salvatore's face. The man who Damon and Klaus were sure was someone completely different. They just needed to find who he was and what he wanted from them and how they could get him back into the bird's body. Because one thing was sure - as Polly this sprit might be dangerous but inside the body of a ripper vampire that danger was multiplied tenfold.

**Thank you to anyone who faved or followed this story in the last couple of weeks. Thank you for reviewing , SpringOfMay, love-angelgaby, redburose, TheIrishshipperholic, Tinyflyer02. I do not say this enough. I write my fiction for you, my audience, because I want to bring in a little happiness in a world with more downs than ups right now. I truly hope that all of you are safe because I know that I have readers around the world. There are many things which challenge us as citizens not of any one nation but of the world. So, thank you for taking the time to read my work. **

**Love, **

**LL**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello my lovely readers. Are you ready to see what happens next? Enjoy!**

Chapter 8: Trapped with a Mad Vampire

Never in her short life had Bonnie felt so free and happy. It was as if someone had wrapped her in a warm blanket; now all her worries had dissipated into the ether. Smiling up at Kol she laced an arm through his. They were getting married and she couldn't think of anything she wanted more. It seemed a little odd because there were so many things Bonnie had intended on doing with her life. She wanted to go to college, travel the world and to decide if there was something besides witchcraft she wanted to do. After all, she would need a day job as cover story and she really did not know what that was yet.

However, she had fallen in love. Now the thought of standing in front her friends and pledging her life to an Original vampire seemed like the best idea anyone had ever come up with. They rode the elevator back up to the penthouse and Stefan was waiting for them in the doorway with a wide smile. He held two champagne flutes out to Kol and Bonnie. "Hello, love birds. I think it is time we give you a real party to celebrate your upcoming nuptials.

Stepping forward Klaus glared at Stefan. "I think everyone has partied quite enough, thank you."

"I don't think we've even started." Stefan said sneering at Klaus. "Now, you feel the desire to take a seat and shut up, don't you, Klaus?" Bonnie watched as Klaus walked slowly over to the couch and sat down glaring at Stefan.

"What's going on?" Caroline asked looking from Klaus to Stefan.

"Nothing." Stefan said. "Do you want to dance, Caroline?" He held out his hand to the baby vampire. Caroline bit her lip looking at Klaus as she extended her hand to Stefan.

Kol looked relaxed as he wrapped an arm around Bonnie's waist. "Kol, I think there's something wrong with Stefan." Bonnie whispered into her fiancee's ear.

Looking over at Stefan Kol smiled, amused by the turn of events. "Nik is used to getting whatever he wants. So, now he'll have to work for something."

Shaking her head Bonnie looked at Klaus who was staring forlornly at Caroline. But he had already had to work to get into Caroline's good graces. It didn't make sense. Besides Stefan seemed to finally be getting over Elena and was beginning to spend time with Rebekah. Why would he suddenly take an interest in Caroline?

Someone reached out and grabbed her by the hand. "Hey. We need to talk." Damon pulled Bonnie back toward the bedroom. Elena and Kol followed them in. "I think there's something wrong with Stefan." Bonnie announced frowning.

"Really, ya think?" Damon asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes ceiling ward.

Rebekah walked into the room with Elijah. "Why is my brother stuck on the couch?" The Original sister demanded.

"Maybe he likes the material." Damon snapped.

"It isn't Stefan." Elena stated with a frown.

Everyone turned to stare at her. "What makes you say that, Elena?" Elijah asked.

Elena began to fidget. "Umm…"

"For pity's, sake spit it out." Rebekah snapped.

"Because I caught him feeding on one of the maids earlier," Elena confessed.

"Great. So, he's the ripper." Damon growled sitting down on the bed.

"Well, that's the thing. He didn't kill the woman." Looking around at the others she waited for their reactions.

"So, he finally learned restraint." Rebekah rolled her eyes. "Let's throw a parade."

Elijah shook his head. "That's not the point, Rebekah. Rippers cannot restrain themselves. If that was Stefan Salvatore in the other room then he would have killed that poor woman."

"So, what are we saying?" Rebekah asked looking worried.

"We're saying, Barbie Klaus, that someone hijacked my brother's body and is going for a test drive." Damon snapped.

The door to the bedroom was suddenly knocked inward and Klaus came inside looking furious. "I will kill that son of a bitch if it is the last thing I do." He roared.

Everyone else in the room stared at him blankly. "He took Caroline."

"Out for ice cream?" Kol inquired before Klaus grabbed him and threw him through the wall into the room next door.

"This is not a joke, Kol." Rebekah snapped at Kol as Elijah restrained Klaus from taking his anger out on their younger brother.

"How could he have taken her?" Elena asked. "And where?"

Jerking away from his brother Klaus strode to stand in front of the doppleganger. "If I knew that do you think I'd be here?"

"Stop it." Bonnie shouted. Dropping to his knees Klaus began to curse. She only stopped when Kol laid a hand on her shoulder. "We'll find them." Turning around Bonnie walked to the door and opened it with a wave of her hand. Kol took her hand tightly in his own as they headed to the elevator with the others following behind.

"Wait a minute. We can't leave the hotel." Damon called looking at the others as Bonnie held up a hand the lobby doors flew open slamming into the building. "Or maybe we can." He said as he walked outside. His car should be sitting in the small parking lot off to the side which he could see with his vampire senses but the car was gone. "Kol." He yelled.

"You rang." Kol replied flashing in front of Damon.

"Where is my car?" Damon yelled moving so there was half an inch between the two.

"I have no idea, mate. Did you lose it again?" Smirking Kol looked around. "Maybe Stefan took it for a joyride."

"That wasn't Stefan," Damon growled.

Forcing her body between the two vampires Bonnie yelled at them, "You both need to stop this. Now."

"Yeah, well that's too bad, witchy." Damon snapped. "Someone is in my brother's body. I have a feeling the same person took my car and they ran off with Blondie. Now, maybe you don't care about your friend anymore but I am not letting this happen. So, either help or get the hell out of my way." Damon's was far too close for Kol's comfort.

Kol moved Bonnie behind him despite knowing that she could take care of herself. No one could kill him without a white oak stake and since none of them had brought one with them for this little occasion, Kol felt it was safer to fight Damon. "You want to get you brother back. That is all well and good and such. But we have no idea who or what is in your brother's body. So, suffice it to say I do not fancy risking my safety nor anyone in the group's while you go in search of the wayward Salvatore."

"Oh my God, Kol, you just sounded like an adult. There might be hope for you after all," Elijah said, clapping his brother on the shoulder.

"Thank you, Lijah. It must be the upcoming husband duties. Although I look forward to the wedding night more than spewing things that make me sound like a grown up." Turning to Bonnie he wrapped his arms around her. "How about we go upstairs and use that penthouse for something other than party central."

Shaking her head Bonnie pulled away. "Damon's right. We need to find Caroline and Stefan or whoever that is."

Grabbing a bellboy Damon snarled at the kid. "Get me a car, now." The kid ran off to bring him a car. Ten minutes later he pulled up in a BMW. Damon took the keys and slid into the driver's seat. Elena slid into the passenger's seat. Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah took up the back. "We're full now." Damon snapped and drove off.

Bonnie frowned, "I guess we need another car."

Kol rolled his eyes. "I would prefer to walk."

"Walk in these things? You have got to be kidding, honey." Nancy replied. Bonnie and Kol turned to their companions. They had forgotten that they were there.

"I suppose that that wouldn't be very hospitable." Kol said with a grin.

"Why don't you two ladies go inside and rent yourselves a room?" Pulling out his wallet Kol held out several hundred dollars. "One other thing. You won't remember anything from the past twenty-four hours other than that you met some nice people, had a lovely time and tomorrow you will go back to your lives."

Smiling, Kol looked at Bonnie. "We are going to go find your friend. We can't get married without all of your bridesmaids? Now can we?"

In the penthouse Caroline came out of the bathroom. "Hello?" She called. "Is anyone here?" Looking around the penthouse she found that she was alone. Patting Polly, who she had found in a cabinet in the bathroom, she held the bird. "Well, I guess it's just you and me."

Polly looked at Caroline. "I'm Stefan."

Chuckling Caroline sat him down on a chair. "Yeah. Sure. You are and I'm Oprah."

"Caroline, I'm serious. I'm Stefan. Polly did something and now I'm stuck in this." Polly spread his wings gesturing to the bird body.

"Mm hmm, while I'm here I should start planning out Bonnie and Kol's wedding. It is going to be fabulous." Caroline picked up a pad of paper and then began to jot notes.

"Care, please. I don't want to be a bird." Polly begged.

"And I don't want to be a vampire but we can't all have want we want, can we?" Biting the end of the pen she was holding Caroline looked at Polly. "Oh, that's spooky. You even have Stefan's serious eyes."

"Caroline, Polly could be doing anything in my body." The bird formerly known as Polly the parrot was jumping up and down.

"Yeah, he could be getting you a haircut. Oh, God." Caroline placed her hand over her mouth in mock horror. "He might shave your hair off." Laughing,, she sat down on the couch with a grin.

"Caroline, do you remember our prom? I was unhappy because Elena had her humanity off and you told me that I would fall in love again. Well, I did. I love Rebekah and I can't tell her in a bird's body and how am I supposed to dance with you like this at Bonnie's wedding to annoy Klaus. You know he gets all crazy when anyone else touches her. Maybe he'll compel me to go all ripper on everyone again. It might be a relief. I am so tired of eating rabbits."

Frowning, Caroline looked at the bird. "What was I wearing the night of the prom?"

"You were going to wear this pink dress that Elena stole and then you went and asked Klaus for -" Stefan stopped when Caroline held up a hand.

"Stefan?" Staring at the bird Caroline felt really confused. "Okay. I'm calling Damon. This is just too weird." Picking up her phone she noticed that she had missed calls and texts from Klaus, Elena, Bonnie, Damon and one from Rebekah. Calling Damon quickly she put the phone on speaker.

"Damon's phone." Elena said.

"Lena. It's Caroline. Tell me that you're with Damon." Biting her lower lip Caroline stared at the bird who stared back unblinkingly. This was just too much.

"Caroline," Klaus yelled. "Where are you? Tell what that psycho did to you. I will rip him limb from limb."

"Enough." Damon yelled. "Caroline, what your Hybrid said with a little less emphasis on ripping my brother's body apart."

"So, Stefan really isn't in his body?" Sighing Caroline stared at Stefan the parrot. "Because I think I'm with him right now."

"No, you twit." Rebekah yelled. "That is the evil thing that hijacked Stefan's body."

Standing up Caroline glared at her phone. "Number one, I am not a twit. Number two, I'm at the hotel with a parrot who believes it's Stefan and I think it might be telling the truth."

Damon slammed his hand against the steering wheel. "I am going to kill that bird right after we get my brother out of it."

"Where are Bonnie and Kol?" Caroline asked.

"They're looking for you and Stefan. Well, Polly." Elena replied.

In fact, Kol and Bonnie had found Stefan in a church preaching. This was more than slightly disturbing since he had apparently just eaten the minster and had then taken the pulpit. "Ladies and Gentleman, they say that the end of the world is at hand every hundred years or so but I have come to tell you," Leaning forward over the podium Stefan grinned at the parishioners. "The end is just the beginning."

Leaning down to whisper in Bonnie's ear Kol said. "Do you think if we use that line at the bridal shop you can get a discount?"

**Like they need a discount! Ha! **

**Thank you for the favs, follows and for reading. **** Thank you redbudrose, TheIrishShipperholic, SpringOfMay, akafuri412 and ZombieSavior for reviewing. The plot is thickening and there are a lot of twists and turns to go through before this story winds up. **

**Love,**

**LL**


	10. Chapter 10

Hello fans. I'm sorry but Birds of a Feather will not be updated today. Please, check back in three weeks from today or check my profile page page for update information. In the meantime, I have quite a few other stories and if you'd like to check them out feel free to. My newest is Caroline, the Vampire Slayer.

Thank you,

LL


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